bad, bad, bad.
Right.
So last night i was preparing to compose an email. It was a comfy kinda chill out and get some emails tended to sort of night. I thought hmm…. a coffee would be perfect as i sit and write this letter. So, i get up and start the kettle….
ok, hang on… let me back track.
earlier in the evening i was out getting some groceries - when i remembered i was about out of my coffee at home and didnt have time to make it to my favorite little coffee shop in town. S0 - im standing in the isle, trying to pick a bag of crap out of bags of crap. My phone rang, it was my friend - who also happens to enjoy good coffee. … i said “let me give you a call back, im trying to pick out coffee and all of my options are crap. ” so… i settle for seattles best. #3. its my favorite number afterall… how bad can it get?
right.. so im about to get to emails and i go for the coffee. Kettle is on the stove.. i cant wait for the first comforting sip of yummy! i pressed the pot before even waiting the entire 4 minutes. i know, rebel is me. …. so i sit down with my coffee… all excited to relax and email.. and i take the first sip, expecting it to not be as good as im used to, but NEVER expected to drink a sip of warm, brown, cheap, old lady perfume!! You know the one….. like when you pass the woman on her way out of the grocery store…and 30 minutes later, you choke on the same exact scent in an isle because she left it lingering there a half hour ago?? yeah. that kind.
i couldnt tolerate it. i spit it out. then sniffed the coffee… smelled like it tasted, i thought wth? it didnt smell like this when i sniffed it out of the bag, i mean sure.. it didnt smell like my regular coffee, but it smelled drinkable! …. so i thought i was being a coffee snob, and should give it a try. perhaps it had some “notes” i just wasnt used to. ha. so i sat here starting my email… and tried another sip. i suppose it wasnt quite as shocking as the first, as i was already expecting it to be disgusting. so i sip again.. and again.. sniffing my cup in between each one to make sure it smelled like the same crap i was tasting. finally… i just couldnt stand it. .. i went to the sink, dumped the crap out.. and thought man… i knew i was buying crappy coffee compared to what im used to… but i really didnt think it would be this crappy!! so i start the process over… fill the kettle.. onto the stove.. and go to my safety net - my last little remaining bit of good coffee in the house. fill the press pot with my coffee and anticipate that lovely sound of the whistle. mhm… wouldnt that be nice.
so the moment arrives. the kettle is whistling.. i go fill the pot, and again.. dont wait the entire 4 minutes. By this point i just want some coffee to drink while i write my email….. preferably coffee that doesnt taste like aunt ediths wool sweater. You know, the easter all year round kinda smell.
I pour my cup, sit down to write, take a sip and…….. are you kidding me??? my first thought was wow… you mean the crap i made before this was THAT powerful that my presspot was stained with stench?? i mean, i rinsed the darn thing… i rinsed my cup.. what the heck is going on! ….. so i sit here contemplating calling the number on the back of the bag to complain… and then think, maybe instead of writing my business email, i should write to seattles best and offer them the production code # on the bag so they could pull the rest of them from the shelves because surely im not the only one who got a bag of coffee mixed with whatever the lady who fell into the roaster that day was wearing!
So, i go over to the bag of coffee on the counter, i sniff the bag. it smells fine… absolutely drinkable. hmm… weird. so i take a bean and got my game face on before popping the bean in my mouth. ok, now this is weird… the bean tastes FINE. … nothing like ediths 5$ bottle of petunia and lilac special. SO… i take a look around to try to find the culprit. i sniff the press pot, it smells a bit off… i could smell the awful stink, but not near as bad as it was. I smell my grinder…………………. o …..m……..g. it was my grinder?? wait a minute. how? …………. then i glanced, almost felt like slow motion … and i see this weird sort of film on the edge of the grinder lid. …. i picked the lid up, made a face before i even smelled it cause i knew what was coming. But almost like when you run your hand under extremely hot water by accident, but you do it again just to make sure its still that hot, even though you know its going to hurt again? yeah.. i did that, i smelled the lid. up close. OMG… what is that SMELL? and not only does it smell … but its eating away the plastic!!! i searched for the stink………. i searched, and searched……….. and finally realized… who knows how long ago, a glade plug in must have been plugged into the wall here, but fell behind the fryer sitting on my counter that i never use … never use, never use. right.. so how would i have noticed the plug in if i have no reason to move the fryer that it fell behind? lol.. but apparently, something must have moved the plug in enough to make it tip over… and a whole bunch of the oil that was in it spilled out. fragrance oil. my enemy! my coffee grinder lid, was placed in a puddle of glade fragrance oil, which transferred itself into all of the beans i ground, which made its way into not just one pot of coffee, but two, because the fragrance oil slicked the everythings the press pot is made of! rinsing did nothing. little did i know, i pretty much needed a hazmat team to get rid of this crap!
so i dumped out the coffee, took the press pot apart. and gave up on coffee for the evening because i knew at that point, it didnt matter what i drank, it was all going to taste like easter. With every breath i took i could taste it. i had an instant headache, i brushed my teeth so much im surprised i have any enamel left. Nothing i did mattered though.i think it was growing in my lungs or something. like little fragrance oil seeds were now planted in my blood stream and everything i did tasted like CRAP. i was familiar with the headache, i remember getting the same kind back in the day when i had fragrance oils in a few of the BG soaps. i suppose it doesnt matter if you are sniffing or ingesting them… fragrance oils simply suck.
im glad i didnt write to seattles best in a haste…. although i have to wonder, what the heck they would have done about me telling them a disgruntled little old lady may have dumped her bottle of perfume into lot # 920852908 …. call a paramedic for me? or send me a coupon?
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